


And After

by flashforeward



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Introspection, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21823474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashforeward/pseuds/flashforeward
Summary: Eric has a lot to think about, a lot to put in order, and decisions to make.
Relationships: Eric Effiong/Adam Groff
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	And After

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Suaine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Suaine/gifts).



> Thank you to Suaine for the prompt, I hope you like the fic!
> 
> Thank you to [redacted] for betaing!

There’s never an apology.

Between detention and Adam leaving there is nothing but a long silence. Eric wonders if he should say something, broach the topic, _talk_ about what happened - what it means, how Adam feels - but he’s terrified.

(It was amazing, firey and intense, a release he hadn’t known he needed, but he also knows it isn’t healthy and he shouldn’t long for a repeat.

But he does.)

He could - maybe should - talk to Otis. Not as a Sex Ed Guru, but as his friend. But he still hasn’t completely forgiven Otis. And besides, he’d have to explain how that moment with Adam made him feel and he can’t even sort it out himself. Not entirely.

(He still hates Adam because he’s put Eric through so much and a quicky in a dusty room isn’t going to fix that.)

He supposes there’s an element of _stupid teenager_ to it all - thinking with the wrong head, hormones taking precedence over logic - but there’s more than that, he’s certain. There was a tenderness to Adam he hadn’t expected. A kindness in the moment, caring how Eric felt, making sure it was okay.

And Eric probably should have said no but _god_ it had been so good. Not just the sex, but _Adam_. Knowing he had it in him to be _kind_ like that.

(And you’re not supposed to date someone to save them, even from themselves, but Eric longs to bring out what’s good in Adam again.)

It takes forever for Eric to get up the nerve to seek Adam out. There’s a lot of second guessing. He knows, logically, that it’s unlikely this will go anywhere. Indeed, there’s a part of him that knows it _can’t_ go anywhere. Adam will not change. Any attempt at a relationship - or even just no strings sex - would leave Eric a dirty little secret and he’d come too far to go back in the closet for anyone.

So any conversation with Adam has to emphasize that: whatever they decide, Eric isn’t hiding to make Adam feel better. Ever.

(And that’s why he waits so long to try to talk, because he knows Adam isn’t ready for anything public. They’re incompatible in so many ways, so what’s the point?

But.

He can’t ignore what happened.)

When he sees they’re packing Adam up, his heart squeezes in his chest. He shouldn’t care - or, he _should_ , but not like this. He should be happy - his bully is finally gone. And while he is glad to know the school halls will be safer, he’s also almost...disappointed.

(He shouldn’t be, he tells himself, he should just celebrate and move on. But he can tell himself all he wants, it isn’t going to change how he feels.)

He tries to write letters. He won’t send them - couldn’t even if he wanted to, he doesn’t know what school Adam’s at or if he’s even allowed post. But the more he writes the harder it is to explain how he feels, what he’s thinking. The more he writes, the more questions he has and the fewer words he can find to ask them.

So he just winds up with a bin full of balled up paper and a cramp in his hand that’s from a pen for once.

A few weeks after Adam leaves, he tells himself to put it all behind him and just move on. There’s no way Adam is as hung up on what happened as he is, so he should just forget it. Should have forgotten it right away. It can’t be healthy, pining for the boy who made so much of middle and high school torture. So he puts on his most fabulous outfit, does his make up with extra care, and struts down the halls like he owns them.

Because without Adam there, he may as well.

Otis notices, and Eric almost explains. But there’s so much he can’t put into words, so in the end he just shrugs and says he felt like being fierce today. He’s pretty sure Otis knows it’s not the whole truth - they’ve been friends too long for him not to - but he doesn’t press, and Eric is grateful.

(Even if he were ready to tell Otis, he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to put it all into words in a way that makes sense. It doesn’t even make sense in his head, so saying it out loud feels impossible.)

As the holidays approach, Eric starts to retreat into himself again. Apprehension and an unwelcome surge of excitement have him worried and restless. Again, Otis notices, and again Eric tries to brush it off, tries to distract his friend, but this time Otis presses.

(And in the moment, Eric is annoyed, but when he thinks back on it he’s grateful.)

“ _Adam_?” The disbelief in Otis’s voice seems to shake something loose in Eric. Like just hearing Adam’s name out loud gives him a perspective he hasn’t had for months, pulls him far enough out of his own thoughts to actually think instead of wallow.

Eric isn’t sure what to say, how to make Otis understand, so he just nods.

Otis shakes his head. “ _That’s_ what’s been bothering you all year?” he asks. “You should’ve said something.” He takes Eric’s hand and Eric is grateful for the contact - it grounds him in the conversation.

“I wasn’t sure how to.” Eric blows out a breath and gives Otis’s hand a squeeze before dropping it and standing, pacing to the other side of Otis’s room, leaning his forehead against the wall. “I could barely explain it to myself, let alone you.”

He can almost hear Otis’s mind working, is glad he moved and can’t see his friend’s expression.

(Otis is one of the best people Eric has ever met, but his pokerface is shit.)

“What do you want?” Otis finally asks, the words a soft echo of Eric’s own thoughts for the last few months.

“I don’t know,” Eric admits. He turns around and pushes his back against the wall, sinking to the ground and hugging his knees to his chest. “I want everything and nothing all at once.” He lifts his head, meets Otis’s gaze. “I know it’s stupid to expect anything but...I also want to. Understand, I guess? How he goes from making my life a living hell every second he gets to. To _that_.”

Otis nods. He slides off the bed so he’s sitting on the floor, too, putting them at the same level. He crosses his legs and rests his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands and it feels so much like one of their childhood sleepovers that Eric almost laughs.

(This is not the kind of conversation he ever imagined having during those sleepovers.)

They talk through the night - not just about Adam. That’s only where it starts. And Otis doesn’t offer solutions, just throws out ideas and helps Eric sort through his thoughts and feelings. But the conversation moves on, and Eric doesn’t feel drawn back to it like he has been. Putting it out there, discussing it with Otis, has helped free up his mind.

As they fall asleep that night, Eric feels lighter than he has since he watched the Groffs’ car disappear down the street with Adam tucked away inside.


End file.
